Dear Miss Kitty,
I have been in a relationship for the past three years. My other half is a widow and we met right after he lost his wife. He is a lovely man in all ways except there isn’t that sparkly thing and never has been. For once in my life I would really like to have my heart beat a little faster, but I don’t want to hurt him. Suggestions are more than welcome.
L, SANTA BARBARA
Dear L,
I am very fond of Yiddish, and there is a lovely Yiddish word – “Mensch”, which formally means a person of integrity and honor, but between you and me means a very nice guy or gal with a clear sense of what it means to do the right thing. A Mensch is someone that makes a very good friend. However, there is nothing in the Yiddish dictionary, Wikipedia or The World According to Miss Kitty that says being a Mensch in a certain situation means being one always and forever.
Making life a little inconvenient by fostering a puppy or 10 is one thing, but giving up the possibility to have a real romance for once in your life is altogether another M word. M is for Martyr – and no one really feels good when anyone is a martyr. In secret invisible writing in the original Bible, it says that the disciples, yelled to Jesus, “Enough already! Get down from there right now.” Buddha’s followers claimed (again in secret invisible writing) to bring him burgers, fries and a strawberry shake while he was under “The Tree” but he said no. And finally in another little known secret, Mother Theresa was given the entire Dior Spring collection every single year, but just didn’t think it would be right to wear couture in Calcutta.
Dead or alive is something that goes hand in hand with a classic western wanted poster, not something that one lives on a daily basis. There is no guarantee that anyone will find heart pounding romance, but you get points for trying. Unfortunately romance isn’t in the same category as death and taxes, but everyone does have the opportunity to not only entertain the thought, but to go on the mission and to not even try is like coloring celery instead of eggs or floating a pork chop in matzo ball soup – disgusting and rather unforgiveable.
You said that he is a lovely man in all ways, a regular Mr. Mensch, which means I would take a bet that he is eternally grateful for the rock you have been during the last three years. It is no small thing to lose a life partner and what you have done and been is commendable. He will understand that you deserve to have happiness in the form you want it to be. And here’s another secret, if you don’t have sparkle with him, he doesn’t have it from you and now maybe since three years have gone by, he is ready for a little sparkle himself. It is a known (but secret) rule of the universe that whatever you choose to put out (sparkle or dull frustration) is what you get right back at you, every time.
Darling L, Boys and Girls: Spring in all its forms and traditions heralds newness, growth and change. It isn’t that the harshness of what is part of our world suddenly doesn’t exist- but it does mean that this is a time and has been for all the ages to acknowledge what is miraculously new again. Are we so jaded or scared that we can’t reach out and make a Spring for ourselves? I don’t think so – sometimes we just need someone to tell us or give us a little push to know its O.K. That push, combined with the strong pull of focusing our own thoughts on the positive has the power to buff a rusty relationship into a permanent and harmonious sparkle, or propel us to find one that does. And that’s another secret I found in an old and dusty book, written in invisible ink.
Have a naughty day!
Miss Kitty aka Melanie Doctors can be reached at misskitty@purrmissionlingerie.com
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